Checkin' In

Don't know if blogs are supposed to be written every day, once a week or once a month, etc I just write when I have something that moves me to write!!
Watched a dvd last night by The Firm on a 30 minute aerobic workout...yea, I said watched it. Was so vigourous it wore me out..I slept like a baby!!
But this morning just thinking about working out to that dvd, video, any of them got me to procrastinating so bad I didn't even want to draw!!!!! Now that is BAD.
So I pulled my thoughts back in and asked what is it that I would do...even if out of guilt if not "pleasure"? I looked through my double glass doors and saw The Dutchess looking at me. That's it my inner child cried - walk The Dutchess!!! Not just any walk...whoa there....not around The Mountain either (unfortunately The Dutchess wouldn't make it around the entire Mountain - me either!). So The Dutchess and I headed to Mountain park! A beautiful place of recreation and trails. And I forgot it was Friday so the park was practically empty...except for us "retired" folk. No dogs for The Dutchess to attempt to anilhilate. So we traversed the park twice at a good pace. Good for her....somewhat good for me. She trotted and I walked at a quick pace then of course she'd stop to smell the roses...er dog pee and I'd stand around for a bit (which was kinda good...I could catch my wind!). Then off The Dutchess goes...on a trot again after some other "scent"!!! But it was good! I got my endorphins perculating and metabolism up enough for me to have to take off my sweatshirt jacket (you know, one of those sweatshirts I split up the middle)! Then The Dutchess and I hung out in the park for awhile before heading home.
Now I'm ready to tackle my day! Gotta clean my kitchen...the way I want it cleaned (teenagers just don't do it the way you want them to!). Might do some laundry but will definitely draw today!!!
OH! Most importantly my "special K" try out has been working for me! I drink the chocolate protein meal replacement drinks maybe twice a day, eat one of the meal replacement bars during a day and have an apple and somewhere in the day eat a cup of soup, have cereal for breakfast and IF I'm hungry probably eat a small meal for dinner. Been doing this for the past 11 days.
Even with eating less I still need MORE MOVEMENT in my life! I sit more than I move and this has to be reversed....somehow.
Guess I'll go up and down my stairs more often...which is happening anyway since I always need something that's upstairs when I'm down or vice versa!!
Ahhh well, behavioral change is slow but I am progressing!!!! Yea, to eating less. On to moving more!!

Ya Hooooo!

Yup! I'm singing my praises again! For good reasons too...going into my 3rd week (I think) and have been consistently getting up and "working out" to my aerobics w/weights tape. Ok so I'm using 3 lb weights - so what? Those joints are heavy!!! I sometimes am able to use the 10 lb weights when I do the bicep something or others (I forget what they are called)!!!
Anyway back to the good stuf! I was going thru my libations one morning and decided to pull out the scale - yes the dreaded scale!! What the heck I thought whatever it says it won't keep me from "working out"!
So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and stepped up! Then I looked down. Thought I was wearing the wrong glasses!! The scale said 175! Down, yes down from 190, to 182 and now 175!!!! HAPPY DANCE, HAPPY DANCE! I was doing a James Brown slide across my bedroom!! I'm too excited!

So today what happens? My grandson (and daughter) want to go walking up The Mountain. I say yes but my heart is NOT in it. By the time we get to The Mountain I'm looking (and feeling) like a recalcitrant child!! We don't even get one third of the way up before Adenike says STOP. We're not going any further if you're gonna behave like this! Do you want to go up The Mountain or not? We can walk around The Mountain base instead. I gleefully turned around and sceedattled back down The Mountain!!!
So she and I began walking - leisurely - around the base. We walked slow enough for me to talk so it was a good pace. And we walked about 45 mins around and then the 45 mins back and met my grandson at the car. Which he had been sitting in with the A/C running so by the time Adenike and I got there the car battery was dead. Nother story.
Across the street from the Stone Mountain visitors center is a down home from Philly cheese steak joint called Weeyums. What better way to wait for a jump than to indulge in a mouth watering, juicy, ummm ummm ummmm cheese steak? Adenike and my Grandson Jelani went across the street to put in our order while I waited with the car.
Battery jumped we headed back to Adenike's to chow down!!! Good news is I only ate half my cheese steak (that half was enough for two meals anyway!!) But I've got the other half for dinner tonight!!!!
Am I fixated?
Oh well, at this point all I want to do is go sit in a tub of hot water with bubbles and epsom salts and soak my weary muscles!!!
Imma keep on keepin' on 'til I reach my goal!!!

Kudos

It may seem a bit early to do so but I'm patting myself on my back for consistency for the past two weeks!! Yea me!!!! Great Job!!!
Yup since last week I've been getting up (not early) and "working out" to my exercise tapes! Not quite ready to tackle the whole hour of exercise I've been doing the tapes in increments which has been working for me! Since the first time I started I passed out after three minutes and now I can actually get through 15 minutes I say Yea me! again!! You don't realize how little you use a muscle until you ask it to do something! All my muscles hurt! Legs, thighs, arms, chest, abdomen, even my double chin!! But at least I'm using them! Whudda thunk a 3 pound weight could wreak such havoc on a body!!! It's been said that after 40 you lose like 8 lbs of muscles a year if you don't use them. Hmmm I wonder how much muscle I had to begin with????
I am fitting better in my clothes now - no longer looking like a sausage bursting out of its casing!! There's something to this consistency thing after all - even if it does hurt. When it does hurt I do yoga - stretch everything out, soothe my psyche. So I do aerobics one day then the next day I do weight lifting (my 3 and 5 lb weights and I've gotten to using 10 lbers for some arm exercises!) and then I do yoga one day. Then I start the routine all over again. That's during the week. On the weekends I walk Dutchess now that the weather has gotten so much cooler. She's loving it! We make it around the mountain again!

Ummmm

Because you receive food coupons in the mail does not mean you have to use them!
Ok, so I'm talking about me. Some Burger King coupons touting "BOGOF" came in the mail last week and I never took them out of the car. I was hungry coming home one night and saw this blue paper between the seats and pulled it out. Oh My! The Hungires were dancing for joy! Burger King coupons! Mind you I haven't eaten at a burger king probably since I left MD!!! Chik fil let is my fast food of choice these days. Oh, yeah, Me and the hungries drove to burger king and got a grilled chicken sandwich (meal) and the "free" chicken sandwich too!! After all it was buy one get one free!!! The 2nd sandwich became breakfast the next day.
Then the next day for lunch I used another coupon and got a chicken sandwich (meal) and gave the 2nd one to Pastor Bob for his lunch. And the next day too!
And wadda ya know, on the way home last night I passed another burger king - well I hadn't used up all the coupons yet!!! This time I got a Whopper (two!). Saved the 2nd for breakfast this morning on my way to my exhibit with the excuse that I probably wouldn't get to eat (I didn't need to eat EVER!) I can't believe I ate a Whopper - two!!!! 

Let me tell you about burger king... I'm gonna need a series of colonics that's what!!
Today I went grocery shopping. No more burger king, no more lapses.
Been doing step aerobics in the mornings...gotta get moving. Again. (Smooh Move will help, too!)
Thank God you can always begin again.

Letting go is definitely NOT easy...

It's been another week since I've written...I do good, I do not so good. Not with not writing but with not staying committed to what I want to achieve. I want to lose the unwanted weight yet that which I want to do I do not do and that which I do not want to do I do! UGH! The Flesh is definitely weak! As long as I am not in the midst of temptation I do well but let me be hungry and be around food...any food...and I get right on board the glutton train.
Spent a whole week eating "sensibly" - really, really, really good! Went to MD for my grandson's birthday and his party was at "Chuck E. Cheese's" house (kids = noise). I had eaten earlier (like 7 a.m.) and the birthday stuff was at noon - not exactly noon 'cause you gotta wait for most of the peeps to arrive, order the food (pizza, hot wings...) and eventually find the kids that have disappeared into the bedlam of twinkling lights, moving parts and the scramble for tickets! By the time any of that had taken place I'd swiped a few finger fulls of icing off my grandson's cake and was about to wrestle a four year old  (from another table) for his food!
Never get so hungry you'd eat pizza from rat...yeah Chuck is a rat...albeit a fun rat to the kids!

A pat on the back

OMG!! I've been consistent!! Last night doesn't count though. Anyway, since I last wrote I've been consistently putting my "glutton" impulse in check and it's worked!!!! Happy Dance!! Yea!! First week: I have nothing - repeat NOTHING in my house that would remotely call it self "snack" or "comfort food"! So even though I repeatedly opened the freezer and the refrigerator looking for something there was nothing there for me to "curl up on the sofa" with and indulge myself!  Tough Love. Then I bought some Kashi cereals (13 grams of protein!), Special K meal bars and Special K protein drinks, fruit (apples and frozen mixed fruits) and yogurt (Publix brand). Except for the occasional salad with salmon that's all I ate! The cravings subsided considerably and as long as I made certain I ate every three hours ( a bar or a drink or an apple) I didn't get hungry and didn't think "food". Third week or so I was feeling good not stuffed  and defintiely not hungry. Of course I'm not around "other food" so it's been working for me - especially since I've not been searching out my favorite - snickers anything!
Last night I went to a stage play and at intermission they had water, soda or chocolate chip cookies for a donation of $1.00.  I bought the cookie. Not impulsively - that was the good part (I guess) but I didn't want soda and the water would have made me run to the potty. So I ate the cookie. Bad. Not just a bad idea but a bad cookie. It was DRY! And the sugar went straight to my brain I got dizzy!!! I ended up drinking so much water trying to flush the taste et al out of my system I had to go anyway!!!! I should have DONATED the $1.00. I'm still learning y'all. I'm still learning.
Today has been a good day, cereal for breakfast (measured out 1 cup!), a protein drink around 11 (right before service) and a protein bar on the way home around 1:30 and an apple. Water when I got home. Tonight I plan to have a salmon salad but we'll see what I feel like by "dinner" time! Ciao!

Plugging along....

It is most difficult to corral your thoughts! Especially in "the world". Lord knows I want to persevere but I don't think I got that gene! The only reason I'm fixated on a snickers right now is because I know there is one in the refrigerator right now! I won't go buy one but let one be anywhere in the same vicinity as me...it's all I think about!!! Been holding out though...keeping to my "goal". Ate a pear, got an apple. Had lunch (hmmm shrimp and pasta & veggies!), water (not enough though) and a handful of cheez its (one of those 100 calorie packs). I did treat myself to some pecan sandies (another 100 calorie snack) and now it's almost 3:30 pm and I'm thinking about dinner!!!!
This is insane!  I was drawing for awhile which keeps my mind occupied then I realized I didn't bring all the tools I need to complete a drawing! AAArrrggghhhh! I can work on it but it's irritating when you don't have what you need! But anything to keep me out of the kitchen!!!

Haven't done any kind of movement in the past week. NO movement that exerts you - gets your metabolism burning! I've moved from the sofa to the kitchen and upstairs or back downstairs but that not enough to burn off the fat! Something's gotta give - I gotta give up something....quick! Until then I'll just keep plugging along, day by day, one foot in front of the other.

NO MORE SNICKERS! I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't, I don't! Whew, glad I got that out! Feel better already! I have to admit though I have been good!!! Yesterday I got gas at the only QT station I KNOW sells snickers brownie ice cream sandwiches! And I did NOT go inside (though I gave myself every reason I could think of to get one!!) - no snickers for me!!!!! I'm done! (almost!). I'll take the kudos anyway I can get them!!! LOL! I'm not even replacing them for something else - I'm good!!! I'm not denying myself just not eating what I know will send me over the edge and not eating out of control by staying aware of what I'm eating and how much.

I'm good. Today.

Been awhile..

What's to say....I've been slackin'.  Did two days of exercise and nothing more. Everything else became more important. Especially sitting. AAArrrggghhh!
OK, so it's a new day! Went shopping yesterday and bought food to eat. So today eating breakfast of Kashi cereal (measuring out the 1 cup) with almond milk. Packing a lunch - so I won't be tempted to eat whatever I see! Taking an apple, a pear, a salad and a healthy choice meal. I bought some of those special K protein drinks - the french vanilla - and they taste pretty good! I was surprised. One of those will be for dinner. Imma have to go to bed "early" so I don't get the late night TV munchies!!!! Not that I have anything to munch on in my house (except carrots & some celery)!
This "lack of stick to it tiveness" is creeping into other areas of my life! Gotta Do Something about that - only I can change my life!!! What to do when I come home from work? Hmmmm. Now that it's not as hot as it had been I could take up walking the Dutchess again. Yea, yea. Or I could come in and work on the hundreds of drawings I started or teach myself color theory or how to mat my own drawings!!! Any number of things I could do! First I must totally commit myselt to trusting in God that I can do!!!! Gotta strengthen my faith! And that comes with practice and prayer!
I'm back at it folks!!!

2nd day

It's only the 2nd day and I'm considering....anything but what I committed to do! I started exercising, yesterday, to an aerobic tape - 15 mins at a time! Today I managed to get through 30 mins - Yea!!! 'Cause yesteday I did not walk Dutchess for my other 15 mins. - nope did not. I probably was able to get through 30 mins because it was mostly arms and not as much legs as yesterday but boy ami I feeling it in my legs!!! I just keep reminding myself to "put one foot in front of the other" that's all. One day at a time. I'm going slow this time around because I want to succeed.

Epiphany....of a sort

If this past weekend taught me anything it was I don't do well in the heat either! I used to love basking in the sun! Now, the sun beaming on my head gets me to sweating like a dog! Guess that's what happen as you move along the ageline.
Didn't help either that I also read an article on a female bodybuilder who looks FABULOUS and just happens to be 72 years old!!! Been training since she was in her 50's. Not that I'm aspiring to become a body builder...though I am "aspiring" to build my body back into any shape besides that of something resembling silly putty!
Ahhhh brings us back to committment doesn't it. Guess I have to face it, I'm just not that committed....or haven't been. Today is a new day!!  I even took the candy bar out of my bag (and did NOT eat it! Gave it away). Now that was hard!!
First I'm going to stop attempting to do what my body isn't prepared (ready) to do....like walk around Stone Mountain or even up it!!!! Yeah, I did it before but that was before I ate all them snickers and gained all this weight!! Yeah, in my mind I'm thinking I can still do what I used to do! Probably will be able to do it again...but not today. One step at a time! So instead of me tackling a two hour walk how about I start out with the "at least 30 mins. a day" idea?
Yeah, well this morning I was going to do 30 mins of aerobic exercise (to one of my tapes) and 15 mins into the tape I couldn't breathe!!!! And that was just the warm up!!!! WTH???!
But I can do this! I did last the whole 15 mins (though it took another 15 to recuperate!).
So when I get  home today I'm taking the ole girl (Dutchess, not me!) for a brisk 15 min walk around the neighborhood...going up the hill back to the house will be the "aerobic" part of the walk!
One step at a time.....

Wellll....

Well? Nothing. I haven't indulged, over indulged or eaten badly in a week or so (since last time I posted). I just haven't MOVED!!! Driving to and from work doesn't count. Neither does walking to and from the refrigerator! I haven't walked or done anything that requires lifting my feet off the ground. Pitiful.  Yeah, I've "intended" to go walking - big plans! They fizzled. It rained most days and though I have a rain coat I don't fancy walking in the rain (and definitely not while it's lightening!). Sooo I'm bummed out that I didn't seek another source of movement. Instead I became a "couch sweet potato"! What to do, what to do? Guess I'll go find a four year old to play with! Nahhhhh, just kidding!

Now what???

Now what?? I've got no appetite...not hungry...no cravings! That's a good thing I suppose. But If I don't eat that's not good. I eat breakfast (actually measure out 1 cup of cereal and 1/ cup of almond milk!), eat a cup of yogurt around 10 and would eat lunch around 1 pm if I were hungry. Today I ate an apple instead and then another yogurt around 4 pm. Ate dinner around 9 pm (the spinach salad I should have eaten yesterday!)
I gotta get more movement in my life. Walking Dutchess helps 'cause I'm moving more that I would be if I didn't walk her!!! And walking in the park on Saturday and/or Sunday is not enough! Gotta do something consistent...what to do, what to do....Hmmm I'll sleep on it.

What happened?

Today didn't actually suck it was just a weird day! I woke up 3 times before 6 a. m. for starters!! Then I figured out what I wanted for lunch, packed all the veggies and fruit and yougurt I'd need for the day and put it in the fridge while I got dressed. Left for work about 20 mins earlier than "normal" and 30 mins into my hour drive realized my lunch was still in the fridge!! That one cup of cereal was wearing off already and I had nothing else to eat!!! Even the best laid plans....... So you see where this is going....
Got to work..quiet and peaceful. Round about 11 a.m. I couldn't take it anymore but Pastor saved the day - he brought me some grapes and a plum! yea!! Then I found a poppy seed muffin in the kitchen. You ever notice how big those muffins are - wow!! I had to eat it in increments! Then I fixed a Boca Burger.....not all that good.  Wasn't hungry anymore but not "satisfied" either. I was missing my own lunch!!! Bwahhh  Wandered back to the kitchen and stared into the fridge and then...I noticed underneath all the leftover candybars from Saturday...there it was a SNICKERS!!!! Yup...I ate it! Hmmmmm sooooo satisfying! Except about 20 mins later I was so sleepy I couldn't hold my head up! Left work and got home about 5:30 and slept until 9 o clock!!! WTH???? Now I'm up....

Calorie counting?

OMG! This is something I don't like! Not that it's hard or anything...just kinda annoying! But I guess if I want to know how much I'm actually eating it's necessary! Like I figured out that the Kashi cereal I like to eat one cup is considered a serving and one serving is 140 calories and of course you gotta add the milk calories to that to be accurate and I guess that's good if you ate one cup! The bowl I use is probably five cups!!! No wonder the cereal doesn't last long! Siggghhh.

Today though I added up everything I've eaten up until now and I consumed 1300 calories! Yea! Hmmm how many did I burn I wonder? This losing weight is WORK and I already work fo' jobs!!! I'd rather just stay mindful of what I eat and not overeat (OD) the healthy food I bought!!
At least I can sleep good tonight knowing I have not "indulged" in anything I'd be ashamed to admit!!! I'm good. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. YES I can!!!

Can't keep doing what I was doing...

Just came from the store...with some veggies, fruit, nuts & grains (Spinach apples, almonds & kashi cereal)! Gotta eat almonds & apples to fight the urges to eat "other stuff" (you know...snickers!) Can't keep doing what I've been doing! Walking by sight (see food, eat food) and not by faith will push you to make emotional decisions! Sooo I gotta get it right..Walking by faith and not by sight!!
Today has been a great day!! Oatmeal for breakfast, a handfull of almonds for snack and I've got the rest of the day to look forward to choosing right!
I'll let you know!

I need a makeover!

 Whether positive or negative, emotions are powerful...even overwhelming! Sometimes I feel as if my emotions need a makeover (an internal "cleanse" before the external will change!).
If not processed in healthy ways emotions can get stuck like a clogged drain. If we alter the way we view our situations we can change the way we respond to them...with wisdom rather than impulsive actions we regret later!


When we surrender our feelings, help comes from the One who has the power to blast away our emotional congestion. Lord - renovate me! Transform me so I can be balanced and healthy in my emotions! I need & want your power to change, to be wise, enjoy sound thinking and make good decisions in how I express myself.  Ahhhhh - back to the Source - prayer is essential to managing emotions. For renewing your mind.
 
Thank you God for the power to change.

What's my mood?

Stress makes you gain weight. Depression can lead to emotional eating. Anxiety can lead to compulsive eating (plus all the stress issues above). Hmmm, Let's see...
Stress dumps cortisol into your body which attaches itself to your belly, your belly keeps getting bigger, you get more stressed out 'cause you're getting bigger, you keep eating, your belly (and everything else) keeps growing and round and round you go!

So now you're depressed 'cause you're stressed out from being bigger (than you wanna be) and the only thing that lifts your mood is......we already know snickers is my nemesis but tonight I didn't have any! So there! (I'll tell you later what I DID have). Your brain is making attempts to lift you out your low, sad, depressed mood so it's sending you signals to suck up as much sugar as you can to raise your mood!

By the time you've satisfied your cravings you're anxious about what you've just done - how many calories was that? Why did I eat that? Now I'll NEVER fit into those pants!!! And so on and so on and so on until you have an anxiety attack and guess what? You start eating all over again!!!!   Comfort food. Hmmmm soooo goood.

Me stressed? Nah. Not depressed either, nor anxious about anythng. Hmmm, I think that's called denial.
Somewhere around  5 pm I ate a wonderfully delicious Healthy Choice meal (NO I did not pretty it up by putting it on a plate!).
Then I kept getting these thoughts about "not enough". Not enough what??? No worries, I don't have anything in my house that even looks like a "snack"! The cupboard is bare!
I walked into the kitchen, opened the freezer (full of Healthy Choice meals!), looked on the door and saw this little can. Same can that was in my freezer before I moved (back in April). Yup, I moved the can along with everything else.
It was a can of Bacardi's Pina Colada mix. I put it in the blender, added strawberries, mangoes, & peaches  & some water, blended it and proceeded to drink 16 oz of fruity sugar water. Yeah, I feel just great. Ugh.

New Day

It's Friday!!!! Yea!  Got up with renewed "commitment" and faith! It may only be 2:30 or so but so far so gooood!!! Had cheerios (honey nut) and almond milk for breakfast. Lots of water. Walked Dutchess (maybe a mile, uphill). More water. Then my ATL daughter and I went to Piedmont park and walked...some more. The sun was so hot I was sweating like a hog! (Do hogs sweat??) All the water I drank was pouring out of me by the bucketfuls! Even in the shade there was little relief. The best thing about it...no hills!!! Had we gone to Stone Mountain I'd still be there..sprawled out on the sidewalk waiting to be resusitated!! Whose idea was this anyway????
Mine. Penance for this past week. I know - my guilt meter is off the hook! Five miles or so - one for each day I didn't walk and all the snickers I ate!! In the burning, boiling sun!! Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!! (A little catholic school training coming out!)
Wonder how I can tell if it worked? Did I lose anything besides water and my confidence...oh, I meant committment?

I've got the rest of the day to go so we'll see how successful I am!!! I am being very "mindful" of my actions today!

The battle is not mine...

No matter how I look at it...it boils down to remaining "mindful" of what you are doing/eating and caring!  I start off good every morning - walk the dog, drink my slim rite breakfast and head off to work. Snack was yogurt 'cause by 10 a.m. I had a case of the hungries. Then somewhere along the way a demon reared it's ugly head and I strolled to the kitchen and put a snickers in my pocket. Why? Probably 'cause they were there and I know they are there! Calling to me. Commmme into the kitchen, Phyllis...we're waiting for youuuu. And nothing else mattered at that moment! Hands out in front of me I "thriller" walked to the kitchen and back. I lost that battle...

 There are periods of time when I won't touch them (snickers in any of it's forms) and then BAM! I'm seeking them out  - like literally driving to places just to get one...or two (there's no eating just one)! Snickers are my nemesis but it could just as well be cookies - Pepperidge Farm preferably but I'll settle for oreos or cheese cake with strawberries or bread pudding or sweet potato pie and I could go on and on and on...I wonder sometimes what it is that I am feeding?

Committment vs Ritual

Bible study tonight was on committment. Committment to living God's Word. Sometimes we do things over and over and believe we are commited. Well Commitment and Ritual are not the same. Repeatedly doing the same thing is ritual...or idiotic. And we may need to be commited.
I continue along the same path maybe diviating a little here and there but no matter how I "justify" it I am still dishonoring the body God gave me to house my soul. Definitely desecrating the temple of God.
Tonight's class is a definite test of my commitment...not to my wanting to lose weight but my commitment to treating my body as the temple of the God who gave me and continues to give me life.

That said...what the heck is a calorie? I've never counted one. I eat too few of them and I gain weight. I eat too many of them and I gain weight. So what's the deal? How do you get those little buggers to balance out?
I've had a wonderful day...eating wise! Had my breakfast drink along with two fat cutting capsules about 7 this morning. Drank water (I try to get 64 ozs down but am doing good to drink 32 in a day), ate a yogurt around 11 a.m. and wasn't hungry again until 2 pm. Ate a Healthy Choice meal (delicious!) for lunch and  had a salad to eat for dinner which I didn't get to eat 'cause bible study started at 7 pm and I wasn't going to be chomping on lettuce while everybody was talking about commitment! So I took the salad home.

Now it is 11 pm and I'm up 'cause I was "committed" to eating that salad! It looked good, smelled good and I wasn't going to let it go to "waste"! Romaine lettuce, grilled chicken with carrots, tomatoes, yellow peppers, shredded cheese (Yum!) but I threw out the cucumbers and croutons! (1st time I ever had a Zaxby's salad)
So I settled myself in front of the TV to watch murder and mayhem do their thing while I indulged my senses with my salad. Somewhere between the first forkful and the last I stop listening to my body cry out -"STOP, you're over feeding me!" Nope didn't hear my tummy groan, didn't feel my throat close up. Nada. Ignored that sick feeling.

I was so committed to finishing that salad that I ignored all the signals. I sacrificed my own body to the god of gluttony.

A New Day! A New Beginning!

Today's a new day! I feel renewed, creative and ready to do what is mine to do. I get another chance to get it right! I get to choose to make conscious choices about my health, my habits and my attitude!
I had a whole day since last blog to beat myself up, feel ashamed, guilty, embarrassed and every other emotion that emotional eaters go through when they "fall off the wagon". And I fell hard. Instead of devouring another snickers bar (yes they are still in the kitchen refrigerator!) I ate banana pudding instead...and I don't even like banana pudding! I "justified" eating the pudding by convincing myself "at least it isn't a snickers!" You're darn skippy it wasn't a snickers!!! YUCK!!!

So here we are - today. A Fresh Start. I'm not even going to look back to see what triggered that "episode"! Gonna attempt to stay in the present moment!
Sooo today is starting out good...had my breakfast drink, water and am not hungry! Yet.

I've racked up on Healthy Choice meals - they were on sale at WalMart!!! My baby girl ate one last night and she put it on a plate - it looked so pretty! You'd thought she cooked the meal herself (which she could do now!) and never know it was a microwave meal!
Well, I thought about that - putting the meals on a plate and making them appealing....Nahhhh, then I'd have a plate to wash! LOL! Hahahahah!!
I'm only interested in the color appeal anyway...as long as I see a variety in color I'm fine. Like my salads...they are usually always green, red, orange and yellow. Then some off color depending on what protein I want! Gotta get more fruit in my life though. I've been slacking in that category big time!!

Haven't done too much walking since Saturday. Gotta get that going again. Toodles!!

The Day is not over...but I'm done

Only nine days into my "health challenge" and I'm done already. After the "snickers incident" my internal critic kicked in and I was "loser" all day and figured that was license to go all the way and just EAT! Not food but more snickers!!! LOSER, LOSER my brain kept repeating as I kept chomping! One thing for certain..snickers do satisfy - I haven't been hungry - the sugar rush killed what ever appetite I may have had for any reasonably healthy food. Not to mention that the "down" side was feeling quite sick - had to drink enough water to float a big boat and hopefully flush my system. Can give up any other sweet sugar vice but it's all over - the jig is up. Yup, my name is Phyllis and I'm a Snickers Addict.

August 9, 2010 Morning

Arrrgghhh!!! Why is it you feel remorse (or guilt) AFTER you've eaten the "forbidden goodie"? What's missing in the brain that triggers the alarms or consciousness that just says "NO"?
Well mine wasn't on this morning 'cause I just finished scarfing down a snickers bar. I wasn't myself.
Was putting my yogurt in the refrigerator and saw two boxes of snacks on the shelf - unopened mind you! And the only thing that my eyeballs saw was the word "snickers"! I remember nothing else except drinking water and typing this - well I do remember smacking my lips and sucking my teeth to get the nuts out. Ummm, maybe four laps around the church parking lot will be enough mea culpas to burn off those calories!

August 8, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my grand daughter Selene who is 4 yrs old today!!!
Ok, so this morning I drank a meal replacement drink for breakfast and went off to church. Awesome experience during worship service!! Drank lots of water through out the day, too. Ate an apple in the car on the way home. Now it's 4:00 in the afternoon and I'm not hungry - why? Should I eat anyway? Or wait until the hungries hit hard? Drink more water? Interesting delimma! Good thing I have nothing in the house I actually want to eat 'cause this is one of those moments I would definitely not be strong of character and just eat the goodies! Boy Satan is ALWAYS on the prowl!!! I'm glad Sunday is a day of "rest" because I am not about to go walking in this heat! Had enough of that on Friday with my silly self! I'll walk Dutchess later this evening instead.

End of Day One

Well I did eat a spinach salad for lunch - I guess that was around 2:30 pm. Then, like clockwork at 6:30 I was sooo hungry I couldn't think!!! So I had portabellos, spinach and noodles for dinner! And don't think for a minute I cooked!!! Nope, Healthy Choice is "da bomb"!!! Hmmmm so good. Then I had a glass of Arizona iced tea..Colored some Mandalas while watching TV and before I knew it the munchies kicked it - around 11 pm!! I ate honey nut cheerios instead of cheese cake! Yea! But I killed those cheerios. Dang.

August Mother/Daughter Weight Loss/Exercise Challenge

August 7, 2010
My daughter, Ayana, and I agreed to encourage each other in eating healthy, exercising and losing weight during August...and beyond! I'm starting at 182 lbs-August 1st.
Anyway it's been 7 days and I dropped 2 lbs. The first five days I didn't walk enough to counter act all that I ate!! What a way to begin. But Friday I attempted to walk around Stn Mtn - didn't quite make it - got too hot - it was 100 degrees and I didn't decide to walk until 12:30 in the afternoon. Needless to say if it wasn't for a post in the road I wouldn't have been standing. A good Samaratan gave me a ride back to the gate where I'd parked. Drank water too! Lesson learned - walk earlier in the day!!!! Stn Mtn is 5 miles around  (hilly too!) and I did about two (coming and going!)miles. All that for two freaking pounds! but I'm thankful they're gone!!


Even though last night I got the munchies - real bad!! I was up past midnight and am finding out if I am up that late I eat more!!! I ate a chicken thigh, a slice of cheese with a slice of turkey breast, and three 4 oz cups of yougurt!! All within an hour! I went to bed at 1 a.m. SAD, sad. Gotta work on my self control!!! Or go to bed earlier. Today I'm doing good! walked Dutchess a mile - uphill at 9 a.m! Drank a Slim-Rite shake for breakfast and am going now to fix a spinach salad for lunch. And ONE 4 oz yogurt!
I'll let you know how the day ends! LOL!!!