Been awhile..

What's to say....I've been slackin'.  Did two days of exercise and nothing more. Everything else became more important. Especially sitting. AAArrrggghhh!
OK, so it's a new day! Went shopping yesterday and bought food to eat. So today eating breakfast of Kashi cereal (measuring out the 1 cup) with almond milk. Packing a lunch - so I won't be tempted to eat whatever I see! Taking an apple, a pear, a salad and a healthy choice meal. I bought some of those special K protein drinks - the french vanilla - and they taste pretty good! I was surprised. One of those will be for dinner. Imma have to go to bed "early" so I don't get the late night TV munchies!!!! Not that I have anything to munch on in my house (except carrots & some celery)!
This "lack of stick to it tiveness" is creeping into other areas of my life! Gotta Do Something about that - only I can change my life!!! What to do when I come home from work? Hmmmm. Now that it's not as hot as it had been I could take up walking the Dutchess again. Yea, yea. Or I could come in and work on the hundreds of drawings I started or teach myself color theory or how to mat my own drawings!!! Any number of things I could do! First I must totally commit myselt to trusting in God that I can do!!!! Gotta strengthen my faith! And that comes with practice and prayer!
I'm back at it folks!!!

2nd day

It's only the 2nd day and I'm considering....anything but what I committed to do! I started exercising, yesterday, to an aerobic tape - 15 mins at a time! Today I managed to get through 30 mins - Yea!!! 'Cause yesteday I did not walk Dutchess for my other 15 mins. - nope did not. I probably was able to get through 30 mins because it was mostly arms and not as much legs as yesterday but boy ami I feeling it in my legs!!! I just keep reminding myself to "put one foot in front of the other" that's all. One day at a time. I'm going slow this time around because I want to succeed.

Epiphany....of a sort

If this past weekend taught me anything it was I don't do well in the heat either! I used to love basking in the sun! Now, the sun beaming on my head gets me to sweating like a dog! Guess that's what happen as you move along the ageline.
Didn't help either that I also read an article on a female bodybuilder who looks FABULOUS and just happens to be 72 years old!!! Been training since she was in her 50's. Not that I'm aspiring to become a body builder...though I am "aspiring" to build my body back into any shape besides that of something resembling silly putty!
Ahhhh brings us back to committment doesn't it. Guess I have to face it, I'm just not that committed....or haven't been. Today is a new day!!  I even took the candy bar out of my bag (and did NOT eat it! Gave it away). Now that was hard!!
First I'm going to stop attempting to do what my body isn't prepared (ready) to do....like walk around Stone Mountain or even up it!!!! Yeah, I did it before but that was before I ate all them snickers and gained all this weight!! Yeah, in my mind I'm thinking I can still do what I used to do! Probably will be able to do it again...but not today. One step at a time! So instead of me tackling a two hour walk how about I start out with the "at least 30 mins. a day" idea?
Yeah, well this morning I was going to do 30 mins of aerobic exercise (to one of my tapes) and 15 mins into the tape I couldn't breathe!!!! And that was just the warm up!!!! WTH???!
But I can do this! I did last the whole 15 mins (though it took another 15 to recuperate!).
So when I get  home today I'm taking the ole girl (Dutchess, not me!) for a brisk 15 min walk around the neighborhood...going up the hill back to the house will be the "aerobic" part of the walk!
One step at a time.....

Wellll....

Well? Nothing. I haven't indulged, over indulged or eaten badly in a week or so (since last time I posted). I just haven't MOVED!!! Driving to and from work doesn't count. Neither does walking to and from the refrigerator! I haven't walked or done anything that requires lifting my feet off the ground. Pitiful.  Yeah, I've "intended" to go walking - big plans! They fizzled. It rained most days and though I have a rain coat I don't fancy walking in the rain (and definitely not while it's lightening!). Sooo I'm bummed out that I didn't seek another source of movement. Instead I became a "couch sweet potato"! What to do, what to do? Guess I'll go find a four year old to play with! Nahhhhh, just kidding!

Now what???

Now what?? I've got no appetite...not hungry...no cravings! That's a good thing I suppose. But If I don't eat that's not good. I eat breakfast (actually measure out 1 cup of cereal and 1/ cup of almond milk!), eat a cup of yogurt around 10 and would eat lunch around 1 pm if I were hungry. Today I ate an apple instead and then another yogurt around 4 pm. Ate dinner around 9 pm (the spinach salad I should have eaten yesterday!)
I gotta get more movement in my life. Walking Dutchess helps 'cause I'm moving more that I would be if I didn't walk her!!! And walking in the park on Saturday and/or Sunday is not enough! Gotta do something consistent...what to do, what to do....Hmmm I'll sleep on it.

What happened?

Today didn't actually suck it was just a weird day! I woke up 3 times before 6 a. m. for starters!! Then I figured out what I wanted for lunch, packed all the veggies and fruit and yougurt I'd need for the day and put it in the fridge while I got dressed. Left for work about 20 mins earlier than "normal" and 30 mins into my hour drive realized my lunch was still in the fridge!! That one cup of cereal was wearing off already and I had nothing else to eat!!! Even the best laid plans....... So you see where this is going....
Got to work..quiet and peaceful. Round about 11 a.m. I couldn't take it anymore but Pastor saved the day - he brought me some grapes and a plum! yea!! Then I found a poppy seed muffin in the kitchen. You ever notice how big those muffins are - wow!! I had to eat it in increments! Then I fixed a Boca Burger.....not all that good.  Wasn't hungry anymore but not "satisfied" either. I was missing my own lunch!!! Bwahhh  Wandered back to the kitchen and stared into the fridge and then...I noticed underneath all the leftover candybars from Saturday...there it was a SNICKERS!!!! Yup...I ate it! Hmmmmm sooooo satisfying! Except about 20 mins later I was so sleepy I couldn't hold my head up! Left work and got home about 5:30 and slept until 9 o clock!!! WTH???? Now I'm up....

Calorie counting?

OMG! This is something I don't like! Not that it's hard or anything...just kinda annoying! But I guess if I want to know how much I'm actually eating it's necessary! Like I figured out that the Kashi cereal I like to eat one cup is considered a serving and one serving is 140 calories and of course you gotta add the milk calories to that to be accurate and I guess that's good if you ate one cup! The bowl I use is probably five cups!!! No wonder the cereal doesn't last long! Siggghhh.

Today though I added up everything I've eaten up until now and I consumed 1300 calories! Yea! Hmmm how many did I burn I wonder? This losing weight is WORK and I already work fo' jobs!!! I'd rather just stay mindful of what I eat and not overeat (OD) the healthy food I bought!!
At least I can sleep good tonight knowing I have not "indulged" in anything I'd be ashamed to admit!!! I'm good. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. YES I can!!!

Can't keep doing what I was doing...

Just came from the store...with some veggies, fruit, nuts & grains (Spinach apples, almonds & kashi cereal)! Gotta eat almonds & apples to fight the urges to eat "other stuff" (you know...snickers!) Can't keep doing what I've been doing! Walking by sight (see food, eat food) and not by faith will push you to make emotional decisions! Sooo I gotta get it right..Walking by faith and not by sight!!
Today has been a great day!! Oatmeal for breakfast, a handfull of almonds for snack and I've got the rest of the day to look forward to choosing right!
I'll let you know!

I need a makeover!

 Whether positive or negative, emotions are powerful...even overwhelming! Sometimes I feel as if my emotions need a makeover (an internal "cleanse" before the external will change!).
If not processed in healthy ways emotions can get stuck like a clogged drain. If we alter the way we view our situations we can change the way we respond to them...with wisdom rather than impulsive actions we regret later!


When we surrender our feelings, help comes from the One who has the power to blast away our emotional congestion. Lord - renovate me! Transform me so I can be balanced and healthy in my emotions! I need & want your power to change, to be wise, enjoy sound thinking and make good decisions in how I express myself.  Ahhhhh - back to the Source - prayer is essential to managing emotions. For renewing your mind.
 
Thank you God for the power to change.

What's my mood?

Stress makes you gain weight. Depression can lead to emotional eating. Anxiety can lead to compulsive eating (plus all the stress issues above). Hmmm, Let's see...
Stress dumps cortisol into your body which attaches itself to your belly, your belly keeps getting bigger, you get more stressed out 'cause you're getting bigger, you keep eating, your belly (and everything else) keeps growing and round and round you go!

So now you're depressed 'cause you're stressed out from being bigger (than you wanna be) and the only thing that lifts your mood is......we already know snickers is my nemesis but tonight I didn't have any! So there! (I'll tell you later what I DID have). Your brain is making attempts to lift you out your low, sad, depressed mood so it's sending you signals to suck up as much sugar as you can to raise your mood!

By the time you've satisfied your cravings you're anxious about what you've just done - how many calories was that? Why did I eat that? Now I'll NEVER fit into those pants!!! And so on and so on and so on until you have an anxiety attack and guess what? You start eating all over again!!!!   Comfort food. Hmmmm soooo goood.

Me stressed? Nah. Not depressed either, nor anxious about anythng. Hmmm, I think that's called denial.
Somewhere around  5 pm I ate a wonderfully delicious Healthy Choice meal (NO I did not pretty it up by putting it on a plate!).
Then I kept getting these thoughts about "not enough". Not enough what??? No worries, I don't have anything in my house that even looks like a "snack"! The cupboard is bare!
I walked into the kitchen, opened the freezer (full of Healthy Choice meals!), looked on the door and saw this little can. Same can that was in my freezer before I moved (back in April). Yup, I moved the can along with everything else.
It was a can of Bacardi's Pina Colada mix. I put it in the blender, added strawberries, mangoes, & peaches  & some water, blended it and proceeded to drink 16 oz of fruity sugar water. Yeah, I feel just great. Ugh.

New Day

It's Friday!!!! Yea!  Got up with renewed "commitment" and faith! It may only be 2:30 or so but so far so gooood!!! Had cheerios (honey nut) and almond milk for breakfast. Lots of water. Walked Dutchess (maybe a mile, uphill). More water. Then my ATL daughter and I went to Piedmont park and walked...some more. The sun was so hot I was sweating like a hog! (Do hogs sweat??) All the water I drank was pouring out of me by the bucketfuls! Even in the shade there was little relief. The best thing about it...no hills!!! Had we gone to Stone Mountain I'd still be there..sprawled out on the sidewalk waiting to be resusitated!! Whose idea was this anyway????
Mine. Penance for this past week. I know - my guilt meter is off the hook! Five miles or so - one for each day I didn't walk and all the snickers I ate!! In the burning, boiling sun!! Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa!! (A little catholic school training coming out!)
Wonder how I can tell if it worked? Did I lose anything besides water and my confidence...oh, I meant committment?

I've got the rest of the day to go so we'll see how successful I am!!! I am being very "mindful" of my actions today!

The battle is not mine...

No matter how I look at it...it boils down to remaining "mindful" of what you are doing/eating and caring!  I start off good every morning - walk the dog, drink my slim rite breakfast and head off to work. Snack was yogurt 'cause by 10 a.m. I had a case of the hungries. Then somewhere along the way a demon reared it's ugly head and I strolled to the kitchen and put a snickers in my pocket. Why? Probably 'cause they were there and I know they are there! Calling to me. Commmme into the kitchen, Phyllis...we're waiting for youuuu. And nothing else mattered at that moment! Hands out in front of me I "thriller" walked to the kitchen and back. I lost that battle...

 There are periods of time when I won't touch them (snickers in any of it's forms) and then BAM! I'm seeking them out  - like literally driving to places just to get one...or two (there's no eating just one)! Snickers are my nemesis but it could just as well be cookies - Pepperidge Farm preferably but I'll settle for oreos or cheese cake with strawberries or bread pudding or sweet potato pie and I could go on and on and on...I wonder sometimes what it is that I am feeding?

Committment vs Ritual

Bible study tonight was on committment. Committment to living God's Word. Sometimes we do things over and over and believe we are commited. Well Commitment and Ritual are not the same. Repeatedly doing the same thing is ritual...or idiotic. And we may need to be commited.
I continue along the same path maybe diviating a little here and there but no matter how I "justify" it I am still dishonoring the body God gave me to house my soul. Definitely desecrating the temple of God.
Tonight's class is a definite test of my commitment...not to my wanting to lose weight but my commitment to treating my body as the temple of the God who gave me and continues to give me life.

That said...what the heck is a calorie? I've never counted one. I eat too few of them and I gain weight. I eat too many of them and I gain weight. So what's the deal? How do you get those little buggers to balance out?
I've had a wonderful day...eating wise! Had my breakfast drink along with two fat cutting capsules about 7 this morning. Drank water (I try to get 64 ozs down but am doing good to drink 32 in a day), ate a yogurt around 11 a.m. and wasn't hungry again until 2 pm. Ate a Healthy Choice meal (delicious!) for lunch and  had a salad to eat for dinner which I didn't get to eat 'cause bible study started at 7 pm and I wasn't going to be chomping on lettuce while everybody was talking about commitment! So I took the salad home.

Now it is 11 pm and I'm up 'cause I was "committed" to eating that salad! It looked good, smelled good and I wasn't going to let it go to "waste"! Romaine lettuce, grilled chicken with carrots, tomatoes, yellow peppers, shredded cheese (Yum!) but I threw out the cucumbers and croutons! (1st time I ever had a Zaxby's salad)
So I settled myself in front of the TV to watch murder and mayhem do their thing while I indulged my senses with my salad. Somewhere between the first forkful and the last I stop listening to my body cry out -"STOP, you're over feeding me!" Nope didn't hear my tummy groan, didn't feel my throat close up. Nada. Ignored that sick feeling.

I was so committed to finishing that salad that I ignored all the signals. I sacrificed my own body to the god of gluttony.

A New Day! A New Beginning!

Today's a new day! I feel renewed, creative and ready to do what is mine to do. I get another chance to get it right! I get to choose to make conscious choices about my health, my habits and my attitude!
I had a whole day since last blog to beat myself up, feel ashamed, guilty, embarrassed and every other emotion that emotional eaters go through when they "fall off the wagon". And I fell hard. Instead of devouring another snickers bar (yes they are still in the kitchen refrigerator!) I ate banana pudding instead...and I don't even like banana pudding! I "justified" eating the pudding by convincing myself "at least it isn't a snickers!" You're darn skippy it wasn't a snickers!!! YUCK!!!

So here we are - today. A Fresh Start. I'm not even going to look back to see what triggered that "episode"! Gonna attempt to stay in the present moment!
Sooo today is starting out good...had my breakfast drink, water and am not hungry! Yet.

I've racked up on Healthy Choice meals - they were on sale at WalMart!!! My baby girl ate one last night and she put it on a plate - it looked so pretty! You'd thought she cooked the meal herself (which she could do now!) and never know it was a microwave meal!
Well, I thought about that - putting the meals on a plate and making them appealing....Nahhhh, then I'd have a plate to wash! LOL! Hahahahah!!
I'm only interested in the color appeal anyway...as long as I see a variety in color I'm fine. Like my salads...they are usually always green, red, orange and yellow. Then some off color depending on what protein I want! Gotta get more fruit in my life though. I've been slacking in that category big time!!

Haven't done too much walking since Saturday. Gotta get that going again. Toodles!!

The Day is not over...but I'm done

Only nine days into my "health challenge" and I'm done already. After the "snickers incident" my internal critic kicked in and I was "loser" all day and figured that was license to go all the way and just EAT! Not food but more snickers!!! LOSER, LOSER my brain kept repeating as I kept chomping! One thing for certain..snickers do satisfy - I haven't been hungry - the sugar rush killed what ever appetite I may have had for any reasonably healthy food. Not to mention that the "down" side was feeling quite sick - had to drink enough water to float a big boat and hopefully flush my system. Can give up any other sweet sugar vice but it's all over - the jig is up. Yup, my name is Phyllis and I'm a Snickers Addict.

August 9, 2010 Morning

Arrrgghhh!!! Why is it you feel remorse (or guilt) AFTER you've eaten the "forbidden goodie"? What's missing in the brain that triggers the alarms or consciousness that just says "NO"?
Well mine wasn't on this morning 'cause I just finished scarfing down a snickers bar. I wasn't myself.
Was putting my yogurt in the refrigerator and saw two boxes of snacks on the shelf - unopened mind you! And the only thing that my eyeballs saw was the word "snickers"! I remember nothing else except drinking water and typing this - well I do remember smacking my lips and sucking my teeth to get the nuts out. Ummm, maybe four laps around the church parking lot will be enough mea culpas to burn off those calories!

August 8, 2010

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my grand daughter Selene who is 4 yrs old today!!!
Ok, so this morning I drank a meal replacement drink for breakfast and went off to church. Awesome experience during worship service!! Drank lots of water through out the day, too. Ate an apple in the car on the way home. Now it's 4:00 in the afternoon and I'm not hungry - why? Should I eat anyway? Or wait until the hungries hit hard? Drink more water? Interesting delimma! Good thing I have nothing in the house I actually want to eat 'cause this is one of those moments I would definitely not be strong of character and just eat the goodies! Boy Satan is ALWAYS on the prowl!!! I'm glad Sunday is a day of "rest" because I am not about to go walking in this heat! Had enough of that on Friday with my silly self! I'll walk Dutchess later this evening instead.

End of Day One

Well I did eat a spinach salad for lunch - I guess that was around 2:30 pm. Then, like clockwork at 6:30 I was sooo hungry I couldn't think!!! So I had portabellos, spinach and noodles for dinner! And don't think for a minute I cooked!!! Nope, Healthy Choice is "da bomb"!!! Hmmmm so good. Then I had a glass of Arizona iced tea..Colored some Mandalas while watching TV and before I knew it the munchies kicked it - around 11 pm!! I ate honey nut cheerios instead of cheese cake! Yea! But I killed those cheerios. Dang.

August Mother/Daughter Weight Loss/Exercise Challenge

August 7, 2010
My daughter, Ayana, and I agreed to encourage each other in eating healthy, exercising and losing weight during August...and beyond! I'm starting at 182 lbs-August 1st.
Anyway it's been 7 days and I dropped 2 lbs. The first five days I didn't walk enough to counter act all that I ate!! What a way to begin. But Friday I attempted to walk around Stn Mtn - didn't quite make it - got too hot - it was 100 degrees and I didn't decide to walk until 12:30 in the afternoon. Needless to say if it wasn't for a post in the road I wouldn't have been standing. A good Samaratan gave me a ride back to the gate where I'd parked. Drank water too! Lesson learned - walk earlier in the day!!!! Stn Mtn is 5 miles around  (hilly too!) and I did about two (coming and going!)miles. All that for two freaking pounds! but I'm thankful they're gone!!


Even though last night I got the munchies - real bad!! I was up past midnight and am finding out if I am up that late I eat more!!! I ate a chicken thigh, a slice of cheese with a slice of turkey breast, and three 4 oz cups of yougurt!! All within an hour! I went to bed at 1 a.m. SAD, sad. Gotta work on my self control!!! Or go to bed earlier. Today I'm doing good! walked Dutchess a mile - uphill at 9 a.m! Drank a Slim-Rite shake for breakfast and am going now to fix a spinach salad for lunch. And ONE 4 oz yogurt!
I'll let you know how the day ends! LOL!!!