With profound gratitude......

With profound gratitude I live my life purpose. What is my purpose? At this stage of my life what is my purpose? What makes me feel alive? What makes time disappear for me? What brings me continued joy? 

There are many possible answers but only one that has been a continued and unbroken thread throughout my life...even now at this stage....the one that seems to be in slow motion at times...even my driving has slowed down!!

 I can truly and honestly say I've never stopped drawing or doing something pertaining to art and creativity. I've sewn doll clothes, made Halloween costumes, drawn in pencil, poured paints, mixed media, taught kids and adults to draw, and no matter how psychotic I've been there's always been art in my life...through all the craziness, calmness and goodness.

I've not been kind to my Muse.....I've sent her running for more positive, nurturing soil in which to grow. She's been gone a long time.....I miss her touch. I know it is I who must sow my creative seeds in positive soil, nurture them, love them in order to see a harvest....see the return of my Muse.  I feel her more and more these days....the creating is coming easier, flowing a little quicker. I must be consistent in going to the table to create and refilling the well of creativity when done. There is no output without input......I must be consistent.....walk in nature, commune with Spirit in meditation, be kind, be grateful for every little and big thing I have.......be grateful for the love I have and receive, where I am, who I am....I AM unique, uncommon, there is no other Phyllis like me. I AM the One, the only one!!! I draw because I want to, I love to, I can, I am able. God has blessed me with this ability......thank you God. I will be forever grateful and show my gratitude by using that ability daily....to beautify my surroundings and the surroundings of others! Drawing daily because I can and am able to draw. I bless my hands...my right hand in particular....I am so thankful Lord that you are healing my hands, enabling me to continue to draw showing the world what you can do through me!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

From this moment forward I live my purpose, my life with profound gratitude!!

For the next 21 days (and beyond)  my intent is too meditate on gratitude, walk for fitness and eat with the purpose of feeding my body the nutrition it needs in smaller portions throughout the day.

This day I will walk for an hour, draw for many hours and eat a good breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner all the while drinking water throughout the day!! Food diary!!!!!

I've slept for 15 uninterrupted hours after working three nights with about 12 hours of sleep. Still getting acclimated to working nights...since it is difficult for me to sleep during the day unless I am truly wore out (like yesterday).

Since I've been awake since four in the morning I shall now arise and move gladly into my day!

 My walking goal  is to walk again up to Lake Lily from my apartment.  Today I'll see how far I get in one half hour (half hour out and a half hour back to the apt.); Will check back at the end of the day.

Missing My Muse

It's been a long time now...almost ten years....since my Muse went on a sabbatical. She has yet to return. I've begun searching for her....when I lost interest in drawing or painting portraits...my only true love. Something was terribly wrong. Conversations in going deeper begun to infiltrate my Spirit...showing up in various ways of creating portraits....mixed media mostly to entice my Muse back home...to open up my Spirit.

 
I continue to search....keep looking but no Muse. She's gone. Not for good.....I've begun to get small inklings of her...feeling her once again. I can tell because the drawing is coming more freely recently.  I'm letting her know I've begun to clean out the garbage of the past.....there's a clean house awaiting her return. No longer is her voice being ignored......
 There is much work to be done but done daily it is! I'll use the shadow side to create and allow the beauty of it to clear the path home. Missing My Muse......yet I feel her stirring....knowing her return is imminent.

 

Serena Williams...watch out!!

Last year, sometime around April, my oldest daughter and I got a "Groupon" for tennis lessons. I like tennis...just couldn't keep the ball in the park. If I was playing baseball I wouldn't even hit the ball! I digress. The lessons helped tremendously and I continued with lessons (after the groupon sessions) through a "meet up" group near where I live. It was fun and I learned something. Didn't learn how to keep score, didn't learn how to control the ball or place it where I wanted it to go, & didn't learn how to serve. I did learn how to finally hit the dang ball!!!
Well it's a year later and just like learning to drive a stick shift everything came together and I can actually play a game (a real game!) of tennis!
Of course playing one day a week does not a "tennis player" make and I'd like to play more often but more often than not I don't have the energy to play "Jacks" much less anything else during the week. Who said "retirement" was easy?!!! I usually play on Sunday mornings and most times (since the courts are free and available) we play for a couple of hours....sometimes longer.  Since there are usually 14 or 15 of us (for three courts) each person is NOT playing for the whole two hours...which is good since most of us wouldn't be able too!! Me in particular....I'm usually leaning on my racquet about 50 minuets into a game! I've learned though that I need to eat before I expend that kind of energy.....who knew???  My thinking was if I didn't eat and did vigorous cardio I'd burn more fat of my body!!!!  Not a good idea.
Well I do eat (now!) but I am not a proponent of drinking anything blue, dayglo green, chemo red or gasoline (urine) yellow....nooooo , none of those drinks for me!! Not gatorade, propel, 5-hour, none of those! Water, water, water and I've learned that even water needs help when it comes to replenishing your body.
I didn't play tennis the Sunday it was Easter, nor that Wednesday.  I did go out this past Sunday and "meet up" with the group. I had taken my nutritional drink, had a great breakfast, stretched and while driving to the courts I mixed the supplemental powder that came with my weight management system in water and drank it.
Being one of the co-hosts for the group my partner and I divided the group into three sets of doubles with four people rotating in as each group completed a set of three games.
Most of the players are considered "beginners" but except for three or four players (I'm one) everyone plays as if they are in a serious competitive tournament!!
The fourth thing I've noticed about the nutritional supplements I'm taking is this: I had so much energy I felt great and I won three straight sets of tennis playing against people decades younger than me!! (My partner was in his early 30's and our opponents were 19 and early 40's!!). Our game lasted two hours because they were not letting up....taking it easy on the "ole lady"!! One of my opponents asked me "what did you eat for breakfast?!" We whupped 'em good!! AND I was not sore, tired, or drained afterwards!!
Serena, watch out....here I come!

What else is new?

I have never been a proponent of the "no pain no gain" school of thought. Ever. If it's painful I'm not doing it. If I end up in pain because I over did it I don't go back...not for some time anyway. I can take sore....I just don't do pain. I know there are many levels of pain...I'm talking about pain that if on a scale of 1 to 10...ten being the worst ever....you're at 35.
So when my hip started to feel "less than perfect", when I started limping, then dragging my left leg like Quasimodo, when I staggered into the CVS Pharmacy crying, begging for Percaset, Oxycodin, (any drug would do at that point) I knew I hadn't gotten any better at pain management.
(Yes I did go to the doctor to ascertain the cause of the pain and yes was told a lifetime of "medication"would ease the pain). Not happening. Nada. Neither. Nope. No.
Ok so I capitulated on the medication which of course is none of the above mentioned drugs...no where close....and a very low dosage.
I've spent my life making it a habit of not taking pills or being medicated so you know for me to agree, at this age, stage...it was pretty bad (for me)...like I said....a 35 on the pain scale.
In my previous blog I mentioned two things I noticed about the nutritional supplement I've been mixing in water and taking daily...well I have a third.
At the end of March I panicked because I had run  out of my "hip medication" and went to the CVS (yeah, the same one.....they've got my picture up..."watch out for this nut"!) to see if I could get it refilled. My doctor (or her assistant) had called it in but it was not the same dosage....it was less!  I had already started imagining   my leg dragging behind me again!!
By April 2nd I had not yet gotten the correct dosage but I also had not taken any of the lower dosage pills (I suppose I could have doubled up but I didn't...and the "pain" level was at maybe a four...).
Also on April 2nd I receive my "goodie" package that contained the nutritional supplements for my weight management system and I began to use them.

Soooo the third thing I've noticed happening to me physically since taking the nutritional supplements is that I have no hip pain. None. Nothing. Nada. Gone. Kaput.
No limping, no dragging, no more medication. Haven't even called my doctor to have her call in the corrected dosage.
I'm still doing what I always do....just without taking any medication.  I like this stuff!

Once again......A New Beginning!!!

I'm jotting down my thoughts again on my up and down journey of gaining and releasing weight! Yup, as you may have read or can read from previous posts I've been juggling the same poundage for some years now...lose some, gain some back, release some more, gain more back.....I'll walk, go to the "Y", Curves, workout to at home DVD's and all I've been doing is "maintaining" my weight because after I'd exercise I'd "treat" myself for a good workout by eating....cake, pie, cookies or my favorite nemesis...Snickers bars!!
I might burn off 1500 calories walking 5 miles or using the rowing machine at the "Y" but then I'd put back on 2000 scarfing down a whole apple pie!!!
I'll say it...I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm depressed, when I'm lonely, when I'm sad, mad, bad.....or happy. I just eat...using food to soothe what I don't want to work on at the time. Simple as that.
Well, now that I'm working on "me" consistently...psychologically that is....I have come down from 190 lbs to 179 lbs (probably since, I'll say April of 2012 when I took tennis lessons). So here it is April again...a year later and I've still been yo-yo ing those pounds...because even though I've been playing tennis consistently each week I've also been consistently eating....m&m's, snickers, apple pie......
Well, for Lent I gave up apple pie and succeeded in not eating any for the full 40 days of Lent. Yay! Rewarded myself with oatmeal raisin cookies....a whole bag. Hmmmmmmmm.
Well, my daughter Adenike came to the rescue....by introducing me to a weight management system from the company with which she is associated. I received my package Tuesday, April 2nd and began using the products.
Two things I've noticed in the past two days...a) I don't pass out at six o'clock (sleeping until the next morning!) after the 16 month old I care for goes home and b) I passed up a Snickers bar! I actually looked at it and turned it down...not in a "fist balling", teeth clenching way...I just didn't want it. and if you know me...you that in itself is a wonder!
So I invite you to follow my journey....again...and see what happens!!