In the middle.......have faith

I'm having a crisis of faith...sort of.  Doubt is easing it's way into my dreams attempting to dismantle them. My "KickAss" 30 year old personality Self is having a difficult time staying in charge of things. I don't know where to begin to get control of my life, putting things in order. I don't seem to multi-task as well as I used to do.
It is my life and only I control what happens. I can do one small thing within my house to begin to gain control. I can get the papers under control and clean off the counter-top! The books I need to read I can find a place for them neatly on the counter so I can see them to remind me to read them. I can clean off my desk (can I find my desk?!). I can do one task at a time. I can control my circumstances within my own house.

I won't feel obligated to do things that are taking time away from my course of study and I won't feel guilty about it. I am feeling overwhelmed because I took my eye off my vision....off Christ . I began to look at all I haven't done, all I couldn't do and I stopped seeing the Christ Presence within me. I took my eyes off my vision....off Christ and I began to sink into the murky waters of doubt.
Comparison is not always a good thing. It is fertile ground for growing doubt and weeds of chaos. I see a painting by another classmate in training with me and I'm in awe and wonder how'd she do that?? Then I'd begin to think "I can't do that! I don't know that!, "Mine are awful!" "Why am I wasting my time?" "How can anyone support me if they knew, really knew that I can't do any of this?!" "Who am I to think I could teach others they to could rise up when I myself am sinking?"
Who am I? I Am a child of the Most High God, a child of the Universe and I can do all I set my mind to do...if I have faith. Just a little is enough. Faith in God in me. Keeping my eyes on my vision and no comparing my vision to someone else's because they are not me. They cannot walk in my shoes nor can I walk their path. Just a little faith will propel me forward. A little faith will keep the doubts from growing and will clear the field of comparison. Faith will keep me courageous when I seem to get overwhelmed. Faith will keep me looking forward and rejoicing at each small step I take towards completion of my tasks.
I can do all things through the Christ that strengthens me.
Life is energy and as long as I have life I will persevere.
I am renewed, restored and revitalized! I go forth into this day with a joyful heart and a buoyant step!
I have two, yes two, art receptions to attend today at venues where my art is on exhibit along with other fierce and fabulous women!

So, it is okay to have those moments of crisis, moments of doubt along the road "less traveled" as long as you don't allow your doubts to take up residence in your mind. Throw doubt out and keep on truckin'!!

Kicking Fear to the curb....at least setting it aside...and doing the thing (anything) anyway!

Are you open to change? Do-overs, Start overs, New beginnings, New possibilities? 
Fresh starts do bring unexpected people and opportunities into our lives but when starting over don't leave all of the old behind. 
Lives are just like collages, collages within collages composed of the unlimited elements of our living: collected experiences, faded memories, shredded beliefs, found knowledge, bitter lessons, haphazardly torn bits, and precisely cut pieces. 
As the days of our lives unfold, old elements are subtracted and new elements are added — our Life Collage dynamically changes with us revealing a slightly different painting each day. 
While it’s easy to use and reuse the pleasant, pretty pieces, resist the temptation to bury the ugly pieces deep within you. Don't keep them "compartmentalized'.
Channel that angry, turbulent energy from a disappointment into a visual creation or performance that brings you compassion, joy and peace. Combine old fears with new insights to build confidence in yourself and by extension, into your work. 
Push your depression into expression and see how differently you feel! 

Allow the unexpected into your life. Create another collage. Re-write your story. Re-create your own image!
XPress YourSELF! (https://www.facebook.com/events/1233008646735125/)

So I'm doing just that...working on my "Legend"...yes me, being a Legend. I do want to leave my Lineage a Legacy and in order to do that I will begin by being a Legend. How am i going about that? Gonna start with a painting. 
Incorporating my intention, my vision, of becoming a Legend into the painting. I've gotten the idea, blessed it and I've begun the layering process onto the canvas...a big ass canvas too! No shirking here! 
The written intention is me beginning anew, accepting and acknowledging what I am capable of accomplishing. For me there is always fear. A void I enter that freezes me. A vagueness before focus, anxiety before creativity, where I go from nothingness to abundance. I can and do become a creative expression of God at work through me. I remain open to Divine Ideas though I am a continuous work in progress working through the bumps, the hard parts, I move through the void toward the light. I am learning to grumble and grouse less and less and rejoice and accept more as It makes the process easier and simpler! 
There are some things at which I am good, great at even! I am learning to acknowledge and embrace this as fact because it is my Truth. And I am learning to acknowledge though there are things that take me an extremely long time to comprehend and carry out I do complete the task! I finish the job and I produce what is needed. 

I continue to learn and grow and move forward and for this I am grateful. I am stepping into unknown territory for me, going places I've not gone before and it is a scary process, for me, yet it is also exhilarating!
Yesterday I traveled down a new road! Literally - I drove down a road I'd never been on before and for me that is a giant leap out of my comfort zone! I'm one who goes the same way, every day, every year....I do not wander. It is fear of being lost that keeps me from exploring. It is that same fear that would keep me from learning and growing! 
So kicking fear to the curb I turned left instead of right - just to see where the road less traveled would take me. It took me home! Making that left turn showed me the road was a shorter distance than the way I had always taken and was literally "around" the corner from where I lived! I was so excited to have discovered a new way home! 
Of course the road had always been there, it was me...I was the one who had opened to new possibilities. I looked fear in the eye and turned left anyway. I took the road less traveled and still found my way home.

I recently went down another "new" path for me...the world of fund raising online! Please listen to/watch my video,
 read the story and if led to contribute, please do. I thank you!
https://www.gofundme.com/PannetArt