PannetArtStudio - Blog & Events

Saturday, May 13, 2017

How I Roll....

So much to do and I don't seem to be making a dent! So much I want to do and I cannot get distracted! I want to work with my friend's focus group but I must focus on completing the course I have chosen to run - becoming an Intentional Creativity Teacher. And I've got ideas waiting to become paintings but they haven't gotten to the canvas yet or off the drawing board!
I walked 10,000 or more steps per day for two months in the Move 60: Get Healthy Central Florida challenge and plan to begin riding my bike daily...except I haven't tested it out yet....I haven't been on my bike since 2015 but I won't allow fear of falling keep me from riding....I like it too much but I still haven't tried to ride...yet.
I waiver too much, all the time. I feel as if I have no follow through, no support, no cheer me on kudo's section. No "Good job, Phyllis!" Well, sometimes you have to encourage yourself! I can sing my own praises! I can pat my own back (sorta kinda), congratulate myself! So with all I have to do I am making headway, I can check things off my "to do" list even while the list continues to grow. I don't want the list to stop growing because that would mean I am done! It's the end of the line! So, nope, I'll keep checking items off and keep adding to my list. I'm moving on! When I feel scattered and confused or overwhelmed is when I must breathe deeply, be still and listen to the Voice of Spirit for guidance and wisdom.
I can release the 60 pounds I need to let go.
I can order my time to accomplish what I need to get done.
I can successfully complete the tasks I have before me in a timely manner.
I can do what needs to be done by me.
I am alive with creative energy, awake to prospering ideas and open to unlimited goodness. Daily.
I can't just pick up the dice I have to roll 'em. Take the gamble, take the leap, get out the boat (if I want to walk on water) and keep moving forward!
That's how I roll!

Dichotomy of Self

I've been awake since 4 a.m. but I didn't want to get up, so I didn't. I did get up at five and got ready for my day.
Though I'm grateful for today, another day, I'm not looking forward to what may...or may not occur. What a dichotomy!!
I'm not looking forward to something that may or may not exist! What???
I am going to dig deeper into my sub-conscious in attempts to excavate the story that may be pushing to come out anyway. There is  story, an old story that keeps replaying in my head and keeps me from flowing easily forward. It is time for the story to be told, to be heard, to be released from within my body walls. I want to release it, to let it go yet I do not know what the story is, what it needs to say or wants to say. I don't know what is keeping it from coming out to breathe, to heal it's wounds. I have not the language to give to its memories. I know not the part of me that is crying, dying for release. I believed all the parts of me came together, were gathered, were now in a safe place and begun their journey towards healing.

Yet there is still a part of me that cries out to be heard, to be worthy of being heard and seen. She feels shut down, even with doors opening she's not walking through any of them. Some thing, some feeling of unworthiness is preventing her from moving through the open doors. There are many opportunities awaiting...I just have to go through the opening doors, seize the opportunities and know I am worthy. Feel my worth!
I can write these words but they must be imprinted on my heart, sealed in my psyche, accepted and enfolded into my subconscious.  My body must feel my worthiness and lovingly accept it into every cell .
Who will mentor me? If no one can I must do the work as best I can on my own. I believe Lord, help Thou my unbelief. Father-Mother God, today, I come boldly, thanking You for Your goodness and faithfulness in my life. I lift up my heart in faith to You knowing my earnest prayers open the door for Your Power to move on my behalf! I am grateful Lord for today, for my life, this life. I am grateful for all that is revealed to me today. I am thankful for sacredness, for ritual, for practices that move me forward into the life You have for me to still live. Thank You for Your guidance and direction as I go along the path of my sacred journey. I want to share my story, my journey with others who may benefit from hearing it and can begin their own healing journey.