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Saturday, May 13, 2017

Dichotomy of Self

I've been awake since 4 a.m. but I didn't want to get up, so I didn't. I did get up at five and got ready for my day.
Though I'm grateful for today, another day, I'm not looking forward to what may...or may not occur. What a dichotomy!!
I'm not looking forward to something that may or may not exist! What???
I am going to dig deeper into my sub-conscious in attempts to excavate the story that may be pushing to come out anyway. There is  story, an old story that keeps replaying in my head and keeps me from flowing easily forward. It is time for the story to be told, to be heard, to be released from within my body walls. I want to release it, to let it go yet I do not know what the story is, what it needs to say or wants to say. I don't know what is keeping it from coming out to breathe, to heal it's wounds. I have not the language to give to its memories. I know not the part of me that is crying, dying for release. I believed all the parts of me came together, were gathered, were now in a safe place and begun their journey towards healing.

Yet there is still a part of me that cries out to be heard, to be worthy of being heard and seen. She feels shut down, even with doors opening she's not walking through any of them. Some thing, some feeling of unworthiness is preventing her from moving through the open doors. There are many opportunities awaiting...I just have to go through the opening doors, seize the opportunities and know I am worthy. Feel my worth!
I can write these words but they must be imprinted on my heart, sealed in my psyche, accepted and enfolded into my subconscious.  My body must feel my worthiness and lovingly accept it into every cell .
Who will mentor me? If no one can I must do the work as best I can on my own. I believe Lord, help Thou my unbelief. Father-Mother God, today, I come boldly, thanking You for Your goodness and faithfulness in my life. I lift up my heart in faith to You knowing my earnest prayers open the door for Your Power to move on my behalf! I am grateful Lord for today, for my life, this life. I am grateful for all that is revealed to me today. I am thankful for sacredness, for ritual, for practices that move me forward into the life You have for me to still live. Thank You for Your guidance and direction as I go along the path of my sacred journey. I want to share my story, my journey with others who may benefit from hearing it and can begin their own healing journey.