Feeling Fraudulent Facing a Blank Canvas

I've been up and awake since 3 a.m. but I did go into my studio! I'm having crisis of "faith" as I face the blank canvases all over my studio.

For my "I Can Fly" class I attempted to draw and paint wings last night, left them to dry.... now they look like shit! Couldn't fly off the drawing table.

Worked on my painting for the course "Fierce Fabulous & Feminine - Uncoiling the Authentic You"  and she's coming out, though I went to the dark side.....I drew on all the stuff I don't like about my body instead of, like Shiloh Sophia said, uncoil and love all parts of it!!! So now I'm looking at her wondering what do I love about my body?  Letting that sink in......

Then I started drawing my Black Madonna on a canvas. I had found a photo of me (in my 20's!) holding my first born baby girl and decided to use that as a reference for my Madonna. Got the placement the way I wanted, drew the contours of the two heads and

then it happened. I couldn't think of a  dang thing! I had NO idea of how or what to paint for the drapery, clothing, or whatever they were going to be surrounded by! I'm sooooo accustomed to using reference materials and/or drawing from live models I felt as if I didn't have one "original" thought!!!

Is this what my art is.....fraudulent???? Every painting I've done has come from something else!! WTF???  How come I can't just "make stuff up"? (I know why but that's another blog).

Okay, now that I've laid that on you I can say....it was short lived. I know there is no "original" art. (I'm talking "representational" art) It's all come from somewhere else....except maybe the cave paintings, since they were the "original" people? I wonder if Eve drew?? Or did the serpent convince her it was not cool to be creative. Best to eat the apple instead?

I digress.

Ideas are built upon other ideas....and so on and on. That's not to say there haven't been some truly exceptional ideas that have been re-imagined because there have been!!

I reckon I just got a case of "blank canvas" blues (or whites...'cause the canvas is white) for a minute there.

No problem. I'll just do what I do and research a gazillion other images (mine and others) until I find a form I like and use the contour.....oh I did that part already (the photo of me and my kid!)...ahhh the problem was/is I couldn't think of what to do next!!! The actual embellishing of the images!!! This painting may end up becoming a mixed media piece!!! At any rate she won't be your typical Black Madonna (hee hee hee she's gonna be me!) And my Divine Being is coming in the form of a baby girl!

Meditation.......what?

....though I read prayers, pray prayers, speak them aloud sometimes, have positive messages all over....I still feel a disconnect with my Divine. I don't seem to be able to meditate because as soon as I awaken my mind is racing......I cannot still my brain for 30 seconds much less 5 minutes or even longer!! The rituals seem empty because I don't feel a connection. I used to feel very connected....a long time ago. I haven't quite gotten that back....yet. 

I've considered being on my knees but then I couldn't get up....easily!!! 

Tried the prostrate thing and realized I needed to vacuum under my bed...so much for "focusing"!! 

I tried "the Breath" and yoga....at the end when you're in the "corpse" pose....oh, right they now call it the relaxation pose......yup, I relax myself right back to sleep....like a corpse.

I do have a morning ritual where every day I read the Daily Word, various personal prayers I've collected for myself and a verse or more from my Bible. 

If I don't change my routine (like leave my bedroom before doing those things) I manage to do them every morning like clockwork. But there are those days.....like today.....I had gotten dressed to go walking and went into the kitchen to fill up my water bottle.....then did 50 other things and still haven't gotten back into my bedroom!! So I'll do them tonight........mannn it's already night time and here I am writing this blog! 

If I go meditate now I'll be comatose in three seconds and snoring like a freight train!

Sighhhhh so much for routine and ritual!!

And Still I Rise

Message of The Legend

I Rise Up...70!

Yes, I've lived my life but it's not over!!! It is never too late to learn something new or to do something you've not done! And I'm am doing just that, now, at 70.

I want to leave a Legacy for my grandchildren and their children! I cannot do that if I do not become someone they can or want to talk about....A Legend!

For me to become a colorlicious woman of action I had to embrace my past, gain clarity on what it is I want to do for me (for SELF) that could and would impact others, have the courage to do something new, different and out of my comfort zone, be willing to access my inner creativity even though it wasn't what I was “taught”, collaborate with others and not always be working on my own, and commit myself to putting in the time and energy necessary to produce needed change....not just in mySELF but in the lives of others.

As author Octavia Butler once stated “...all that you touch you change, all that you change, changes you. The only lasting truth is change.”

I planted seeds of change that would have life changing effects but that's exactly what I needed and wanted. I was not “too old” to change my perspectives. So each day I just show up and do something that will move me a little closer to my Intentional Creativity goal. No matter how many times my Critical Mind attempts to silence my Muse she finds her flow and keeps putting in the work. Practice, practice, practice, she says to the Critic, is how I will change the tone of your voice. I don't want to silence you, I want to work with you to help bring satisfaction, joy, fun, purpose and more to a well lived life! I will create, the Muse says, you bring the structure and together we will laugh, dream, create and take advantage of the ever present opportunities available! Together we still rise.

With an attitude of gratitude I Rise Up...70!

How I Roll....

So much to do and I don't seem to be making a dent! So much I want to do and I cannot get distracted! I want to work with my friend's focus group but I must focus on completing the course I have chosen to run - becoming an Intentional Creativity Teacher. And I've got ideas waiting to become paintings but they haven't gotten to the canvas yet or off the drawing board!
I walked 10,000 or more steps per day for two months in the Move 60: Get Healthy Central Florida challenge and plan to begin riding my bike daily...except I haven't tested it out yet....I haven't been on my bike since 2015 but I won't allow fear of falling keep me from riding....I like it too much but I still haven't tried to ride...yet.
I waiver too much, all the time. I feel as if I have no follow through, no support, no cheer me on kudo's section. No "Good job, Phyllis!" Well, sometimes you have to encourage yourself! I can sing my own praises! I can pat my own back (sorta kinda), congratulate myself! So with all I have to do I am making headway, I can check things off my "to do" list even while the list continues to grow. I don't want the list to stop growing because that would mean I am done! It's the end of the line! So, nope, I'll keep checking items off and keep adding to my list. I'm moving on! When I feel scattered and confused or overwhelmed is when I must breathe deeply, be still and listen to the Voice of Spirit for guidance and wisdom.
I can release the 60 pounds I need to let go.
I can order my time to accomplish what I need to get done.
I can successfully complete the tasks I have before me in a timely manner.
I can do what needs to be done by me.
I am alive with creative energy, awake to prospering ideas and open to unlimited goodness. Daily.
I can't just pick up the dice I have to roll 'em. Take the gamble, take the leap, get out the boat (if I want to walk on water) and keep moving forward!
That's how I roll!

Dichotomy of Self

I've been awake since 4 a.m. but I didn't want to get up, so I didn't. I did get up at five and got ready for my day.
Though I'm grateful for today, another day, I'm not looking forward to what may...or may not occur. What a dichotomy!!
I'm not looking forward to something that may or may not exist! What???
I am going to dig deeper into my sub-conscious in attempts to excavate the story that may be pushing to come out anyway. There is  story, an old story that keeps replaying in my head and keeps me from flowing easily forward. It is time for the story to be told, to be heard, to be released from within my body walls. I want to release it, to let it go yet I do not know what the story is, what it needs to say or wants to say. I don't know what is keeping it from coming out to breathe, to heal it's wounds. I have not the language to give to its memories. I know not the part of me that is crying, dying for release. I believed all the parts of me came together, were gathered, were now in a safe place and begun their journey towards healing.

Yet there is still a part of me that cries out to be heard, to be worthy of being heard and seen. She feels shut down, even with doors opening she's not walking through any of them. Some thing, some feeling of unworthiness is preventing her from moving through the open doors. There are many opportunities awaiting...I just have to go through the opening doors, seize the opportunities and know I am worthy. Feel my worth!
I can write these words but they must be imprinted on my heart, sealed in my psyche, accepted and enfolded into my subconscious.  My body must feel my worthiness and lovingly accept it into every cell .
Who will mentor me? If no one can I must do the work as best I can on my own. I believe Lord, help Thou my unbelief. Father-Mother God, today, I come boldly, thanking You for Your goodness and faithfulness in my life. I lift up my heart in faith to You knowing my earnest prayers open the door for Your Power to move on my behalf! I am grateful Lord for today, for my life, this life. I am grateful for all that is revealed to me today. I am thankful for sacredness, for ritual, for practices that move me forward into the life You have for me to still live. Thank You for Your guidance and direction as I go along the path of my sacred journey. I want to share my story, my journey with others who may benefit from hearing it and can begin their own healing journey.

Feelings are not necessarily Intuitive

There's so much I didn't do  (my yesterdays) and I'm attempting to understand the "Why?"
What is on the plate immediately in front of me is the course I'm presently participating in for Intentional Creativity. The month of April we Color of Women 2017 students were required to hold a Red Thread Circle, which I did on April 9th, and to teach a class on creating personal Soul Art (Affirmation) Card Decks and this I did last night April 28th. We students were also to be working on a painting all during the month.....this I did not do.
The painting of my Muse I didn't "feel" like getting into, I wasn't "feeling" my Muse calling to me. I didn't "feel" anything for this Muse. What I did feel was my disappointment in my own work each time I looked at the work of the other students. I "felt" my inability to use symbols the way they do or "zentangle" all over the place or incorporate animals of all kinds in their work. Yeah, I was "feeling" quite inadequate this month. And yes I know I should not do comparisons but it is rearing its ugly head consistently.
I look at my work and I begin to shut down internally. I am committed to this process and too many others have invested in me for me to shut down or even consider quitting because I "feel" as if I'm not good enough. Quitting is what I usually do when the going gets too hard for me. I curl up but when the "feelings" go away I'm still here and I must face the issues.
Why do I not believe my work is good, good enough much less great?!! How do I rid myself of this old story of unworthiness? How do I uproot it? How do I begin to teach others to re-imagine themselves when I cannot begin to re-imagine myself? My thoughts swirl with "I'm not creative enough", "I don't see images", "I don't come up with great ideas" and so on and so on! Way too many. It's as if the harder I work to lift myself - to Rise Up - the more my mind works against me to keep me fettered and chained where I presently am.....which is no where I want to remain. I find myself not doing anything I should be doing - like painting! I sink slowly into an immobile state of funk.
I do better, I "feel", with human interaction not isolated or alone as I usually "feel". I usually entertain myself at home but it is the choices I make based on my "feelings" that rule and I end up choosing that which is not moving me forward towards my goal because I didn't "feel" like doing that right now....I'll do it tomorrow which, of course, is not promised.
I do the required readings, watching of instructional videos, teaching and writings each month yet when it comes to the painting I freeze up instead of Rising Up. I "feel" as if I need to have someone around me from whom to bounce ideas. Then I figure I'll just tough it out 'cause I can do this alone and still get it done. Then I am easily distracted and nothing gets done! No wonder my Muse goes away and is hesitant to return......she's not "feeling" me.

In the middle.......have faith

I'm having a crisis of faith...sort of.  Doubt is easing it's way into my dreams attempting to dismantle them. My "KickAss" 30 year old personality Self is having a difficult time staying in charge of things. I don't know where to begin to get control of my life, putting things in order. I don't seem to multi-task as well as I used to do.
It is my life and only I control what happens. I can do one small thing within my house to begin to gain control. I can get the papers under control and clean off the counter-top! The books I need to read I can find a place for them neatly on the counter so I can see them to remind me to read them. I can clean off my desk (can I find my desk?!). I can do one task at a time. I can control my circumstances within my own house.

I won't feel obligated to do things that are taking time away from my course of study and I won't feel guilty about it. I am feeling overwhelmed because I took my eye off my vision....off Christ . I began to look at all I haven't done, all I couldn't do and I stopped seeing the Christ Presence within me. I took my eyes off my vision....off Christ and I began to sink into the murky waters of doubt.
Comparison is not always a good thing. It is fertile ground for growing doubt and weeds of chaos. I see a painting by another classmate in training with me and I'm in awe and wonder how'd she do that?? Then I'd begin to think "I can't do that! I don't know that!, "Mine are awful!" "Why am I wasting my time?" "How can anyone support me if they knew, really knew that I can't do any of this?!" "Who am I to think I could teach others they to could rise up when I myself am sinking?"
Who am I? I Am a child of the Most High God, a child of the Universe and I can do all I set my mind to do...if I have faith. Just a little is enough. Faith in God in me. Keeping my eyes on my vision and no comparing my vision to someone else's because they are not me. They cannot walk in my shoes nor can I walk their path. Just a little faith will propel me forward. A little faith will keep the doubts from growing and will clear the field of comparison. Faith will keep me courageous when I seem to get overwhelmed. Faith will keep me looking forward and rejoicing at each small step I take towards completion of my tasks.
I can do all things through the Christ that strengthens me.
Life is energy and as long as I have life I will persevere.
I am renewed, restored and revitalized! I go forth into this day with a joyful heart and a buoyant step!
I have two, yes two, art receptions to attend today at venues where my art is on exhibit along with other fierce and fabulous women!

So, it is okay to have those moments of crisis, moments of doubt along the road "less traveled" as long as you don't allow your doubts to take up residence in your mind. Throw doubt out and keep on truckin'!!

Kicking Fear to the curb....at least setting it aside...and doing the thing (anything) anyway!

Are you open to change? Do-overs, Start overs, New beginnings, New possibilities? 
Fresh starts do bring unexpected people and opportunities into our lives but when starting over don't leave all of the old behind. 
Lives are just like collages, collages within collages composed of the unlimited elements of our living: collected experiences, faded memories, shredded beliefs, found knowledge, bitter lessons, haphazardly torn bits, and precisely cut pieces. 
As the days of our lives unfold, old elements are subtracted and new elements are added — our Life Collage dynamically changes with us revealing a slightly different painting each day. 
While it’s easy to use and reuse the pleasant, pretty pieces, resist the temptation to bury the ugly pieces deep within you. Don't keep them "compartmentalized'.
Channel that angry, turbulent energy from a disappointment into a visual creation or performance that brings you compassion, joy and peace. Combine old fears with new insights to build confidence in yourself and by extension, into your work. 
Push your depression into expression and see how differently you feel! 

Allow the unexpected into your life. Create another collage. Re-write your story. Re-create your own image!
XPress YourSELF! (https://www.facebook.com/events/1233008646735125/)

So I'm doing just that...working on my "Legend"...yes me, being a Legend. I do want to leave my Lineage a Legacy and in order to do that I will begin by being a Legend. How am i going about that? Gonna start with a painting. 
Incorporating my intention, my vision, of becoming a Legend into the painting. I've gotten the idea, blessed it and I've begun the layering process onto the canvas...a big ass canvas too! No shirking here! 
The written intention is me beginning anew, accepting and acknowledging what I am capable of accomplishing. For me there is always fear. A void I enter that freezes me. A vagueness before focus, anxiety before creativity, where I go from nothingness to abundance. I can and do become a creative expression of God at work through me. I remain open to Divine Ideas though I am a continuous work in progress working through the bumps, the hard parts, I move through the void toward the light. I am learning to grumble and grouse less and less and rejoice and accept more as It makes the process easier and simpler! 
There are some things at which I am good, great at even! I am learning to acknowledge and embrace this as fact because it is my Truth. And I am learning to acknowledge though there are things that take me an extremely long time to comprehend and carry out I do complete the task! I finish the job and I produce what is needed. 

I continue to learn and grow and move forward and for this I am grateful. I am stepping into unknown territory for me, going places I've not gone before and it is a scary process, for me, yet it is also exhilarating!
Yesterday I traveled down a new road! Literally - I drove down a road I'd never been on before and for me that is a giant leap out of my comfort zone! I'm one who goes the same way, every day, every year....I do not wander. It is fear of being lost that keeps me from exploring. It is that same fear that would keep me from learning and growing! 
So kicking fear to the curb I turned left instead of right - just to see where the road less traveled would take me. It took me home! Making that left turn showed me the road was a shorter distance than the way I had always taken and was literally "around" the corner from where I lived! I was so excited to have discovered a new way home! 
Of course the road had always been there, it was me...I was the one who had opened to new possibilities. I looked fear in the eye and turned left anyway. I took the road less traveled and still found my way home.

I recently went down another "new" path for me...the world of fund raising online! Please listen to/watch my video,
 read the story and if led to contribute, please do. I thank you!
https://www.gofundme.com/PannetArt

Acknowledging what is....

There are some things at which I am good...great even! Then there are some things which I don't get right away but an "aha" moment eventually occurs.
Then there is technology. I understand now why my son shakes his head and my daughter puts her head in her hands when I call to ask the same questions again and again....and again. I don't get it. There are learning curves...so I hear. I believe my line hasn't yet begun to "curve". Or has it?
It's not a hardware issue, I believe it's a software issue. I've known how to use a keyboard since high school..and that was a long time ago! I was working at USA Today when we had to learn how to use the new technology of a Mac to do our artwork. I was introduced to various types of software...Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, Excel, Access, and many others. None, I repeat NONE of which I've ever conquered even after classes. I may have learned one or two steps in each but that does not make me a "user"! I was definitely a hands on, do it by hand kind of a person but that battle was being lost daily. My way was becoming obsolete. I did learn to use some "desktop publishing" software and kept my employment stable creating marketing materials. I also logged a lot of long, long hours (not overtime) because it took me so long, with many repeated efforts, to figure out how to get it done. This has been occurring again recently as I embark on my new adventure of teaching Expressive Art classes and promoting those classes online. Sigh. A deep, deep Sighhhhh.
Creating event pages and websites, using Social Media, tagging, flagging, twitting, pinteresting, instagraming, hashtagging.....what???? I don't get it!!! I don't want to get it!!! But I must... especially since I'm considering creating online courses!!! Who am I kidding??!!!
This past weekend it took me four hours to create an event page. FOUR HOURS!!! And to figure out how to connect my blog to my pages took days of frustrating trial and error! And I'm not certain I'll remember how to connect this issue!! I cannot afford to pull out the little hair I have left on my head!!
Then I received a gentle reminder from my daughter that I was missing the bigger picture. It may have taken me "forever" to do those things but I DID IT!!
She's right! I am ahead of the curve......somewhat, and I am acknowledging that!!
I'm taking my kudos, patting myself on the back, high five-ing my other hand!! Acknowledging the fact that some of my peers don't do it at all and some even ask me....ME... to help them!! I'm acknowledging the fact that YES!! I created post cards to be printed and I did create event pages for my classes (www.facebook.com/events/252010641916774/) and (www.facebook.com/events/642548475949111/) and I did create events in Google Plus, and Instagram. I did that!!!
Just like it took me three months to get the coloring book "Fierce, Fabulous & Feminine" onto Amazon.com I did it!!! It's there and it's been selling!
So, yes I am learning to acknowledge my stick-to-it-tive-ness!!
I will stick to it long enough to be in a position to hire someone who knows what they are doing to do it all for me!!

Keeping your eyes on the prize

Sometimes when things do not happen when you expect them to happen you kind of shove them aside to a place in your mind where you don't think about it. You know you want the thing to occur but you don't want to disappoint yourself so you tuck it out of the way so it won't get in the way. And you go on with your life. You do other things. Still. It's there. That one thing that hasn't happened...yet. You don't know if it is, You want it to but still...just in case....

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." - Carl Jung

Soooo I've been wanting something to happen, in my time frame, but since my technology skills are not the best I had to have help with the video and editing part of my project. The editor had things to do (like work) and she got sick and then she had to catch up on her life stuff. So the timeline for me was approaching and then it passed and then I tucked the wanting of it away in the that mind compartment where I wouldn't think of it....at least not often.

I did other things. Completed other projects of importance.
I scheduled the dates and times for my upcoming art classes!!!
The "ART pARTay" bring your own bottle/snacks and paint a masterpiece classes will be held on Wednesday evenings beginning March 22, 2017 from 6 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.
Register: paypal.me/PhyllisATaylor/30
 "Express Yourself" is a 6 week mixed media art class to learn to visually express more joy, gratitude, inner peace using expressive marks, colors and/or emotive images! Expressive Art can be a powerful healing process helping to release stress and frustrations. This class will be held on 6 consecutive Monday evenings from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. beginning March 27, 2017
Register: paypal.me/PhyllisATaylor/335
Both classes will be held in the JamArt Classroom, 124 Live Oaks Blvd., Bldg 1, Casselberry, FL 32707
I've become a Certified Creatively Fit Coach having completed the requirements needed to do so during the last five months!! Spent an exhilarating weekend in Melbourne, FL with other CCF coaches and women on their own vision quests. It was great, it was quite moving and humbling and inspiring to finally meet some of the women I've been on this journey with but have only known online. To see their work, to collaborate with them creating art, listening to the stories of their journeys was a sensational feeling. The vibrational energy in that women's circle was so high you could feel your body tingling! So much love, so much joy, so much sincerity, so much giving. Just So Much! If you are interested in reclaiming the magic, mystery and creative mastery of your life click this link: https://dt286.isrefer.com/go/VisionQuest/pannetart/  
and begin your Vision Quest.
My time spent by the ocean, though short, was just what I needed to recharge my creative self.

"For her the ocean was more than a dream, it was a place she needed to find herself." - Jose Chaves

Funny thing about returning "home"..,,I'm glad to always have one to return to and upon entering I greet my abode with "Hi house, I'm home!" Yet when I shut the door something happens......my vibrations shift. It could be the quiet....but I like quiet. It could be the "aloneness"....I like the aloneness, it goes with the quiet. The aloneness and the quietness don't speak back after you say "I'm home". I unpacked, relaxed and went to bed (it was late for me anyway and I did have to be at my guard post in the morning!)

Three days of routine and humdrumness and my energy vibrations were sliding down hill quickly! Then I opened my emails and low and behold that which I wanted (part of it anyway) was granted!!! I received acceptance into a program I've been dreaming about for years!!! But I had tucked it away in the compartment of the mind where it would be safe...from disappointment.
And the left brain quickly raised its questions of "How you gonna pay for it?" "You don't have this, you don't have that, it's too late, you're too old, you can't, you shouldn't, it's not gonna work, it'll take too long!"
I took my eyes off my prize. I step out of the boat of my comfort zones and walked on the water of my dreams. Then I doubted. I shifted focus. I lost sight of my vision and I began to sink into the  quicksand of doubt and fear. I could no longer see myself accomplishing the thing I wanted to do.

"The most common cause of "failure" is lack of.....visualizations. The universe lacks something to work with so it does nothing. Life is images expressed and without images there is no expression." - D. Gikandt

The phone rang, my daughter asked about my weekend and was so excited about my certification and my classes and my moving forward and my acceptance into the program I had waited so long to get into and then she noticed my total lack of enthusiasm.
I was promptly reminded of the differences between contentment, complacency and settling! I was gently nudged into setting up a timeline and asked if I had meditated and prayed for guidance needed to support my continued forward movement. I lifted my viewpoint, I focused again on my "why" and I saw my vision. I was reminded of why this was so important to me and the service I wanted to provide to other women who have experience abuse/violence in their lives. Every woman has a story they can express creatively and re-create a new image of themselves.
To have transformation take place you must be willing to die to your old self. Be willing to bear the adjustments of untangling....be willing to allow yourself to go through a metamorphosis.
It ain't easy. Circumstances, wind, waves, life happening, all kinds of stuff will come against me but if I remain focused, keeping my eyes on my prize the Universe will continue to support me. And I will continue to "walk on water."

I survived because the fire inside of me burned brighter than the one around me.
Some women are lost in the fire. Some women are built from the fire and some women can be re-forged in the fire.

Comfort Zones

I like being comfortable. Spent a lot of my life in conflict avoidance though I didn't always manage to do so. Being comfortable is not always a good thing and most times if the universe is calling you and you are avoiding the call, for whatever reason, the universe may just give you a pretty big whomp up side your head to get your attention. That whomp could be anything. Trauma. Job Loss. Death of a loved one. Divorce. Empty Nest. Mid Life Crises.......any darned thing that will get you to wake up!
So in my many years I've had many whomps. You'd think I'd have learned not to get too comfortable! That's the thing about comfort...it feels really good.
I got comfortable again. Satisfied with where I was...I had food, clothing, shelter, a well maintained car and I had extra income caring for other peoples babies. I was a "Granny Nanny"! It suited me...I love babies. Babies grow up and they leave....well they go to school. So, I had no babies and not much in the way of additional income and I wasn't doing much about it. I was wishing I could. Yet not taking any action. I was stagnating. And there you have it. WHOMP!

What to do? What to do? What did I really want to do? I wanted to do more, be more, make a difference in my life and in the lives of others. How? Where? I had NO idea. Then an opportunity came about for me to teach art classes! You'd think I'd be ecstatic, right? Nope. My immediate reaction was based off fear. Yup, I was afraid I didn't know how or what to teach. Mind you, I've taught before...kids and adults...I had the "skills", even the "credentials". It was plain fear. Then I did the unthinkable (for me). I said "YES"!! Why? because of a book I'd read a long time ago and saw it, again, when it fell off my bookcase. Yes, it actually fell at my feet! The book is titled "If You Want to Walk on Water, You Have to Get Out of the Boat"!! WHOMP!

Teaching those classes at the senior center gave me the confidence boost I needed to move out of my comfort zone, breathe deeply and move forward with my life. An unexpected benefit of teaching those classes was having a "captured audience" for all my "experimental exercises"!!
I've been interested in the Expressive Arts every since I'd had a traumatic life experience and used my art therapeutically. Remember I said I had taught before? Well when I lived in Atlanta, I taught other women how to use art to visually express the traumas they experienced. I wanted to do something similar once again so I entered a four month "Vision Quest" program to become "Creatively Fit" and teach others how to fill their lives with color and expression!

I needed a change and to make a change I had to get out of the boat....my comfort zone. I had to take action in spite of my fear. So I did. I spent four months answering questions about my creativity that I'd never considered asking myself! I suspended all "knowledge" from years of learning and doing art just so I could be and learn to do art a new way, another way. Way out of my comfort zone. I had to reconnect with the artist within me. I had to find my Muse and invite her, welcome her back home.
My internal artist is alive! Searching, creating, inventing, expressing and just stepping out of all kinds of comfort zones!! And I'm passing my enthusiasm for self expression along to my senior students who, everyone, said they were not creative!! Take a look at some of their work...they are wonderfully creative!!

My confidence in helping others explore their own creativity has grown in leaps and bounds! So much so I have jumped way out of the boat of my comfort zone and have set a date to begin teaching my own Creative Expressions classes and workshops at the end of March!!! I've really stepped out there!!!!
Wednesday, March 22, 2017 I will hold my first "Art pARTay" from 6 to 8 pm at 124 Live Oaks Blvd., Bldg 1, Casselberry, FL  So please mark your calendars for Wednesday nights!! More classes and workshops coming soon!!

So, yeah, my Vision Quest did more than open my eyes, reawaken my creative spirit and shake me out of my creative coma it has made me Creatively Fit and confident to teach others how to explore their creative selves!!

Next: keep on the lookout for my ebook!! That WHOMP on my head really shook me way out of my comfort zone!!

Come to the Fire....

I've been re-reading my earlier Blog posts and cracking myself up! I do write some funny stuff!
It has been four years since I last wrote in this Blog. I haven't stopped writing, just haven't written here. I write in journals and even tried an online journal for awhile.  I'm back to my Pannet Expressions because I want to build a "following" for my Creative Expressions Artworxs classes which I intend to begin offering in the early part of this year!
As I move into my seventieth year I am on a quest to heal all the broken parts of me, to reforge myself in the fires of growth and rise to new, higher levels acknowledging all the Fierce, Fabulous and Divinely Feminine parts that exist not only in me but in all women. My intention is to burn up all thoughts of limitation, lack, grief, shame and/or fearfulness!  Sometimes we have to burn through stored up emotional pain so in forgiving myself I will fire up my imagination and my creativity and continue to forge a newer me. My torchbearers, my flame keepers will be with me all the way insuring my flame does not die out.